Journal

Old Journals

1/31/07 I got to eat some meat today. Mcdonalds meat. Two double cheese burgers to be
exact. They went down so well. I was hanging around work till about 6:45pm today. I did some
work and also did some surfing. I did come in a tad late today. I went to the VFW to play poker,
but once again, since I had to leave at 9pm. I tried to win, then I tried to lose the money. I think
everyone is catching on to my ways of doing that. Me and Chris went to Stasiu's, We havn't
seen Jessica in a really long time, so he really wanted to go, so I went. Becky was with Jessica
and she is still the same little girl. Except she drinks now. We went back to the VFW and had a
pitcher. Then, me chris and mary went to Perkins. This was a pretty late night. I didn't get
home till about 3am. Lately, it seems like my demons are taking over me again lately. I am
having a hard time fighting it, but this time its been overwhelming. Things were just fine, when I
was around my ex years ago, but I guess thats just the way it goes.

1/30/07 I did something I havn't done in a long time, drink coffee. I was a little scared to do it,
since I am somewhat hyper already. I drank my cup of coffee, but I didn't feel hyper at all. It
was kinda odd, maybe I drank a decaf by accident or something. After work today, I was
supposed to goto the gym and work out. I was feeling lazy and I decided to skip out again. I did
get a chance to spend quality time at home and relax and catch up on my tv shows online. I
have my focus on rebuilding my self as of late. Right now I think I am on the right track. I had a
chance to even catch up on some reading. I hate reading.... With tomorrow being Wednesday
and poker, I am going to make an effort to skip it. I played cards to get my mind off things and
to be around people and here about their lives. I did it as a crutch for about a year now.
Hopefully I can live without it.

1/29/07 So I got to work at a good time today. Work was ok today, we had a dumb lunch
meeting about salary and stuff. I hate filling out surveys. We got to eat salad and 5 day old
wraps. Not yummy. I was thinking about how exciting it would be to just stay home on a
Monday night and do absolutely nothing. Seems like I have lost touch with a few people lately
and all I want to do is focus and gets things back to the way they used to be. Here is my
secret, the reason why everyone thinks I am a good person or is so friendly is.. I have the
ability to mimmick. I can adjust to someone on the fly and talk and be like them. Lately, I been
around so many weird people, that it has taken its toll on me. All this weirdness has made me
overload and has driven me insane. Kinda sounds goofy, but its true to my madness. I have
just been around to many people that are whacked out. I need to rest. but it doesn't help
when I am told to go out every night..

1/28/07 I slept in again. Today I had lunch with Lawrence at C1 buffet, his new favorite place to
eat. I met up with him at the VFW, since Mary was bartending and I figured I would have a
drink. After lunch I got home I was so tired and out of it. I was in my pajamas, ready to just lay
low and relax. Andy wanted me to go out to Stacy's goodbye outting. Shes moving to Boston,
seems like this is an annual occurrence. So we went to pick up Lunzer and Kiersten at Spring
street. Funny how they convinced me to go out by just ordering drinks for me. Then we made
our way to Stellas in uptown. It was a good time hanging out there. I have this feeling she wont
be back this time. Boston seems to fit Stacy's personality well. Seems like an exciting weekend,
but very inexpensive. I was sober cab in both downtown Minneapolis and in uptown this
weekend.

1/27/07 I slept till 3pm today. I wasn't even up late at all. For some reason my body is just
worn down and tired. I tried to do some laundry, but I didn't exactly have any motivation to do
it. I went to the VFW to meet up with Chris before we go out with Ashley tonight. Weirdest
thing ever happened. VFW was renting the lower half of the place for a wedding. But I guess,
these guys with swastikas and flags. Were renting out the lower half. I guess there was over 60
of them. The cops came and tried to kick them out, but they went upstairs to the bar area to
hang out. Eventually the 12 plus cops escorted them out. It was kinda scary, There was only
like 30 people and alot of them, if they got angry, we would have been out numbered. Good
thing the cop station is right across the street. Me, Ashley, Chris and Brian went to SPIN. Elisha
finally met up with us and her friends. I forgot what its like to be downtown, but I was sober
cab. Driving the mini van and slowing down. Is starting to work out.

1/26/07 This was a very slow day, everything seems to be going slow. For lunch today, it just
seems like I am eating alot of left overs from meetings and things like that. I went to Ol Mexico
with Lawrence and Lunzer for some pre bowling happy hour. It was kind of funny, we didn't
know the buffet was free. I was pretty decent at bowling today. I was around my average, but
my last game I pulled through, to get us the total score points. So we finished 2 and 2.
Afterwards I just went home to relax. I guess it was one of those, do you go out and spend
more money or just go home and take it easy. I went home to take it easy. It was part o the
whole new Tony slowing down plans.

1/25/07 Someone once told me. You become what you eat. So does that mean, eating dollar
menu items show that I am poor and very cheap and greasy. Well I don't think so. You can't
judge by someone eating certain foods. Today I ate so much though, I had Mcdonalds,
Davanni's pizza, and catering come in at work. I was stuffed. I stuck around after work and
watched 24 online. I am kinda digging that show. Went to dodgeball we won 9 to 0. There was
so much bitching in that game it was just not fun at all. We went to the VFW in uptown. I
almost got home early, but then Jo bought me a drink or two and I stayed longer. I was so
close to going home. Then Lawrence bought me a drink.

1/24/07 With today dragging by ever so slowly. I been tinkering with the idea of getting a 2nd
job. Just something different and easy. Maybe also I can meet new people and weird things like
that. I also made my decision to leave the Puff N Stuff for kickball. I know this spring is going to
be hectic and part of my plan to slow down a bit. It wont allow me to play multiple nights for
kickball. I either had to chose to play on the better team, or a team of friends that I would have
more fun with. Cause I know everyone. I chose my friends I know personally better. Don't get
me wrong. I have friends on the PNS. It was time to just go back to basics and have fun again.
I don't like to lose, but right now, I need my friends and spending time with them means alot to
me. Finance has lots to do with things too. It was just time to move on. Tonight I went to
poker and I tried to lose, so I could go to Mike's bday at Legends. For some reason I kept
winning. I actually won a few hands that I purposely mucked my hands so I wouldn't take their
chips. Legends was fun, I only had one drink there. Me and Lunzer talked a bit. It was nice
seeing Mary again too. I was happy we had a good turn out for Mike's bday.

1/23/07 I was doing well for once. I got in earlier then I normally do and I also got to enjoy
some breakfast. I am trying to be a bit healthier. One thing that stuck out today. After work
today I went to the 331 for some happy hour. I ended up watching broomball tonight and kept
it a short night at the 331 again. I left pretty early so I could go home and relax. I guess the
key factor is just relaxing. I been fighting off this cold I have for awhile. I think sitting out in the
cold didn't help things. For lunch today I ate so many calories it was not good at all. When you
eat a full servings worth daily. Meaning, I had more at lunch then a normal person does daily.
Something is very wrong. I made a good step forward tonight. I left kinda early for me. Got
home, did some errands. Cool huh.

1/22/07 I made a point to come in a bit earlier today. I am going to try very hard to not come
in so late. Today I was feeling a bit groggy, I felt down, but I was still in a chipper mood. I just
felt like doing work and stuff. I have a weird smell on me and it smells very nice. I don't
remember hugging any girls. Smells fruity though. I decided I want to start finding something
else to do besides drink. I don't even have time to work out at the gym anymore. I am very
excited today. Cause my 2nd favorite show "Heroes" returns tonight. LOST being my favorite.
I will have to catch up online since I am going to Majors tonight, and maybe I can 3peat as
champ. I lost before the final table. It just wasn't my night. Marco got first and Mary got 2nd.
We had some drinks and went home. Mary was nice enough to give me her Best Buy gift card.
That made me very happy. I havn't had someone do something that nice in a very long time.

1/21/07 I woke up around noon. I couldn't get out of bed. I had headaches and then I had a
stomahc ache. I went to Cub Foods to get some food, since I was heading over to Andy's to
watch the football games. I figured the Bears would get lucky and win. I can't believe my pick
with the Colts was correct. I am a playoff football genius and guru too. I laid down all night.
Recharging and thinking of alot of different things. I was watching some tv shows later tonight
and I decided I really want to catch up on my t.v. shows. I miss them, and I am never home to
watch them. Thats why, when I had a girlfriend, it was so nice to do nothing and watch t.v. I
miss that, I rather do that then going out every night. I made a plan tonight, and it will affect
my work and friends. Its whats best for me though. Bonus Journal Entry::: I realized lately, i
been going out so much, because I just don't want to be alone. Back in the day when I was
living in eden prairie. I was so far away from everyone I didn't need to go out and all I did was
stay at home and watch t.v. I bitched about how bored I was, but these days. I wish I had it.
With all the sports we do, maybe those wheels are running out of tread. With kickball this
spring, I am probably going to be on 3 kickball teams and on 3 different nights. At some point,
somethings gonna give. I dunno. But maybe I should just let it go and be the spectator. I have
always tried to find a 2nd job as the excuse. we shall see how things go.

1/20/07 I woke up and just felt horrible again. I feel like things are just shutting down. Mentally
and physically. I think maybe my body is finally telling me I can't keep up anymore. Sadly, I
have broom ball today and we won the first game today and lost the 2nd game. I was slipping
all over the ice, I think I did alright though. We went to Spring Street, and had some burgers
and beer. I got home and I took a long nap. I havn't taken naps in a long time. I woke up when
Andy called me to goto the VFW. I was planning on going to the fashion show then the VFW,
but I decided to goto the VFW. I sucked horribly. For some reason the smokey air is bugging
me alot more then it used too. I had a hard time breathing and I felt hot for some reason. Me,
Mary and Katie went out to eat at late night Perkins.

1/19/07 Someday I am going to rule the world. Well thats what happened in my dream when I
woke up today. I wasn't feeling well at all. Trust me, its not from drinking. I think I have been
having some issues with something in my lungs. I went outside to get some air today, but it
only helped a little bit. I went to bowling tonight and we went 2 for 2 I think. I am not exactly to
sure how it will end up. We went to The Chalet afterwards, I just like to mingle so I mingles a bit.
Watched everyone I know do karoake. I think next time I am going to up there. I don't know
why I don't. I guess nothing too interesting tonight. Just feeling very worn down. I feel old I
guess. We shall see how the rest of this weekend turns out.

1/18/07 With the way I have been running around lately. I am going to not make it to the
weekend. I feel so over whelmed by so much going on in my life and other peoples lives. From,
friends threatening to kill them selves, to bills, to just dealing with every day life. I think I am
going to explode. Today for lunch, Danielle and Mario went out with me to lunch at Majors. Last
time us three were there enjoying my winnings from poker. Danielle had a spider in her salad.
Today, well Mario found some hairs and some weird string looking thingy. It has gotten
ridiculous. How can a Champps wannabe be so bad. My mini van now has license plates. I am
excited about that, especially those drunk nights driving home. I was an easy target. Went to
dodgeball, we didn't have an opponent for tonight. Not sure if they quit or what. So I guess we
won again. I have noticed, there has been too much bitching and complaining as of late. I am
glad this season will finally be it. We went to the VFW and we got to hang out with the Undies.
They wern't as bad as I thought they were. I gain there respect slowly hahaha.....

1/17/07 Wanna know how broke I am. Well, I had ramen cup of noodles for lunch today. For
once I stayed in. I only had 7 dollars for the VFW tonight. I got home after work today and I
saw my dad was napping. I made dinner tonight, it was shake and bake chicken. He likes KFC
style chicken. Afterwards, I went to the VFW to play some poker. I sucked right away. I knew it
wasn't my night. I eventually lost. Afterwards I played at the side table. I guess I got
disrespected, and usually when someone says racial slurs I just ignore it, especially ones that are
about asians. For once I got angry and snapped and tried to call them out on it. I was so upset.
For once it hurt me, usually it bounces off. I guess, I have grown tired of just hearing things.
Me, Marco and Mary went to Majors to spend my poker winnings from Monday night. I was
happy to spend it on them, since they are a big part of my life these days. I sucked at darts, I
don't even know why I play. I guess it was a good thing to get my mind off of things.

1/16/07 I would have to say, it was an interesting day. I had a lunch meeting so, therefor I got
free Jimmy Johns. It filled me up surprisingly. After work today, I went to go watch broomball. I
was curious how it was played and I will be subbing this weekend. So I figured I would get some
tips by watching. It looks very hard, and I know I will be all over the place with my shoes. We
went to the 331 afterwards and had some drinks. It was kind of weird being with the gang, but
its something I am still getting used too. I don't get to have my heart to heart talk with lunzer
that much anymore. We normally do that when I worked down town, but now that I don't
work there. I try to get all I can when ever. Like me and Sai, said. That guy is a good kid.

1/15/07 Martin Luther King day. It is nice of my work to be closed so I could sleep in today. I
went to go have lunch with Lawrence at Taco Johns. Ofcourse I ate alot. I went to the gym
and worked out pretty hard. Played games of basketball, won twice scored the winning basket
twice. Wow I am out of shape compared to everyone else. Went to Ashleys, we went to go see
"Night at the Museum". I liked it alot. Afterwards, I picked Mary up from the VFW and we went
to Majors to play poker. I did very well tonight. I got first place again. This time, I got to defend
my title from last year. I have it set it my mind that I am a god there. Or I am a really good road
player. Sat around and had drinks tonight. I have alot on my mind tonight. Hope all is well.

1/14/07 I went over to Andys for football games on his t.v. I brought over Red Baron pizza. I
remember Red Baron pizza tasting alot better 5 years ago. Seems like it lost a step. I guessed all
of the games this weekend. I wish I had real money on the line or something. I picked my dad
up from the airport afterwards. He was kinda shocked on why I would drive a mini van. I am so
happy we are getting all this snow. I love snow. I don't know why, but it always means a sign of
a clean slate to me when it snows.

1/13/07 Saturday I felt a bit sluggish. I went to the gym and I was feeling so tired there.
Everything I did, I was huffing and puffing pretty hard. I did make a nice little work out of it. I
was basically cleaning all day today. I been staying busy with watching t.v. I been getting back
to watching t.v. again. I kind of miss it. I went to the VFW and sucked tonight at poker. I feel
like I am giving it a half hearted effort when I play now. I feel Like i have gotten to big for poker.
I was a bit upset they have gotten rid of their happy hour specials.

1/12/07 Friday was a weird day. I was very hyper, but I was getting crabby too. For lunch we
went to go eat at Fuddruckers. I feel fat everytime I eat there. After work today I made a trip to
Ol Mexico for Joeys last day. Went to bowling and I did pretty well. I struggled my 2nd game
though. I think as a team we went 2 for 4. So we won half of our games. We went to the VFW
afterwards. Drank and drank. Marco was on karoake all night. Its kind of weird, but I can feel
tension lately. I think its all part of my amazing psychic abilities. Ok maybe not. It was a fun
night tonight though.

1/11/07 All my life I have been considered very selfish in my life. The past 7 years I have tried
very hard to not be that selfish person. I have tried to be the most unselfish person I know.
Today. I realized it was time to be selfish again. I made a choice to let my past forget about
itself. I guess, I have always looked at the past and I should be looking forward. Point is, I am
too much of a forgiving person at the wrong times. Tonight after work I went to go play
dodgeball. I saw one of the most ridiculous games between my former team the Brickshots and
the Undies. I know both of them, but all the arguing was horrible. We won tonight 6 to 3. We
were down 0 to 2. We woke up finally and won a few games in a row. They are the 2nd best
team. We will for sure see them in the playoffs. We went to the VFW to celebrate some drinks
tonight. That was fun. After I got home, I should have not driven. I was feeling drunk. I also
realized, I need to spend more time with some of my close friends, like I used too.

1/10/07 I was reading something today online. It basically shows the moods of people and how
they react to other people. It was a good read. I learned something from it. Basically its about
putting two type of moods together and watching them box in a fight. In my eyes, I guess I
see it all the time, what happens when a crabby person ruins a good persons mood. Make
sense. Anyways, I had burger king today, more grease I love it. I should be eating the left over
turkey that I had at home from last nights dinner. I just been doing alot of reading today. Work
was busy, so I didn't get a chance to do alot of it. Weird, since I hate to read. Maybe my old
age(25) is catching up to me. So tonight, I went to go play poker at the VFW. I did ok pretty
early. But eventually the alcohol caught up to me. I wanted to beat Lindsey with her favorite
hand. I went all in and lost. It was a good night. I was just enjoying myself.

1/09/07 So I was thinking today, while I was in my chair at work. When was the last time I been
to a rock concert or bar. Like The Venue or The Rock. Well I guess you will see what I mean
later. I had some Cub foods food for lunch again today. It was quite yummy. I left work a bit
early today. I was in a bit of a hurry. I had to cook and clean for the 2nd annual Tony Cu
dinner. These dinners mean alot to me, because its my friends that come over and I get to
cook for them. Its kind of like one of those appreciation things and I am thinking about you. I
made a whole turkey, with garlic and herb, my tony cu garlic mashed potatoes special, green
beam casserole(which came out of a box, I can't take credit for it), and gravy ofcourse. Andy,
Jenni and Chris came over for dinner and we had drinks and Bs'd for awhile. Later on, Chris got
a text from a friend and they were at the Rock. So we went at midnight. Heather was there,
she is still a cutie after having her baby. All and all, a perfect night, I would say.

1/08/07 It seems like, everytime I am driving on the free way. I keep thinking about all these old
things that I used to do back in the day. Trust me I am not on drugs or anything like that. My
mind has been wandering off lately. Seems when I get bored, I just like to think about happy
thoughts. Enough dreaming. Today I had taco bell and I ate so much. Damn you fast food
chains. After work, I drove directly to Ramsey. It took me 40 minutes to get up there. 35W
traffic and highway 10 traffic sucks. I made a stop at Cub Foods, to get food for tomorrows 2n
annual Tony Cu dinner. Went over to Jamie's and we had tacos. We watched Jack ass 2. Also
watched the BCS championship. I guess I told everyone Florida would pull the upset. Nobody
believed me ofcourse.

1/07/07 Today I woke up and watched some football. Later on I went to the gym to go work
out. I got home and I was very soar. My calf muscle has been bothering me. Hopefully it gets
better. Its always a naggering injury with me. I was so hungry, I actually over ate. So I probably
gained alot more weight from eating then working out. I guess this was a pretty entertaining
weekend. I did some cooking tonight. I am going to have to do some more shopping
tomorrow. For the 2nd annual Tony Cu dinner. I made a few calls to some friends tonight. Just
checking in and seeing how they are doing tonight. I am going to be trying to be more involved
with some people I have lost track of. Its also time, to shave some branches off of the tree to.
My senses can feel people who are dumb and stupid. HAhaha

1/06/07 I woke up and I was just laying in bed, not feeling well at all. I was just cleaning up
around the house. I even played some poker online. I was pretty bored. But I was just not in
the mood to play poker tonight. I guess, I am starting to feel a little overwhelmed by it. Once
Ashley got to the VFW. I drove Ashley and Chris to Dan's bday party at The Breakaway. It was
a good time, They had a good band there. To bad it wasn't more hopping for them. I been
drinking for a good amount tonight. I was kind of feeling it. We went to Denny's afterwards. I
guess some of us havn't been there in a very long time. I barely ate my sandwich. i wasn't
feeling too hot. That is why you don't mix drinks all night. I really got to stop doing that.

1/05/07 I don't know why its so hard for me to get out of bed. I just feel so tired and I feel
comfy in bed. Its not like I am used to having a nice bed. I been trying to figure out my financial
situation. Things are going good so far. I just gotta take it easy. Its still humorous how I have to
tell everyone why I got a mini van. I guess it doesn't get old though. Tonight, we had our first
night of bowling. I did ok, i averaged around a 130. Which was well over my average from last
season. I think I have more control over my hook. Actually I am throwing it down there, I just
feel more confident in it. We all went to Brady's afterwards and had a few drinks there. I went
well over my drink limit. I guess, I will have to try to do it again next week.

1/04/07 I am still surprised its 2007. Today I got in to work pretty early. I went to Cub foods
for lunch. Besides Danielle, was sick and she needed soup. I been getting annoyed by this lady
at Great expectations who wants me to come in and they are a dating service thing. I don't
know who signed me up. But its annoying and I will not go into their office. After work I went to
go play dodgeball. We played our buddies. The Unmentionables. It was great to just beat them
to the ground. We won 8 to 1. Since all this time, they seem to beat other teams pretty bad at
kickball. It was bitter sweet revenge. We all went to the VFW for some drinks. i only had one. I
had no money to spend.

1/03/07 Weirdest day ever. I woke up all tired this morning. I was dreaming about being in a
mixed martial arts fight. Weird I know. I been just laying low. Ofcourse I went to go get food at
Mcdonalds. I can never say no to Mc D's. Chris came over before we went to the VFW. I made
it to the final table again. I was actually doing well. I got 4th place. I sucked it up at the end. It
was kind of awkward. I didn't get to talk to Mary, I guess I am still very angry about things.
Everybody who knows me. I have a hard time letting things go and I hold grudges forever.

1/02/07 For some reason, the last thing I remember last night was being alone. I felt alone for
once. Weird... Anyways, this morning I was coughing up a storm. My stomach was killing me. I
think I gotten sick from making out with so many people on new years eve. Ok, I am kidding
about that part. I drove Mario and Danielle around in the mini van for lunch. I had to cancel my
Tony Cu dinner tonight. I just wanted to get home and go right to bed and sleep, I took my
cold medicine, but I laid in bed tossing and turning. I can't sleep again. For some reason, with
things on my mind and being a little sick. Seems like everyone is off to a rough start this 2007
year. Sad, but I am sure everyone will get through.

1/01/07 I woke up the new year on the floor in someone elses house. How exciting is that. It
was kind of funny, I woke up in Mike and Heidi's house and they have dead deer and bear stuff
next the their piranha tank. Anyways, I was pretty tired and I drove home this morning. I finally
was able to get into my car. Since it was frozen shut. I took a nice little nap and went over to
the Palmers to just hang out and chill. It was kind of weird being there. But I basically lost all of
my poker earnings from the night before. So basically I broke out even. Well I came out ahead
since I had stuff to munch on and stuff. I got home later that night and just did laundry. I feel
so tired. With the New Year off to a new start. I will be slowing down my life a bit. Finally and
maybe I should say hopefully.

Daily Journal